his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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