Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
