Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
