People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
