Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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