Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Farmville is her only friend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
