Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
