Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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