I'm jealous of your bromance
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
