I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
