My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
