Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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