Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize