It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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