youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
