I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
