so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
