It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
