butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the condom got lost in my hair
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think people are normalizing furries
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
