we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
