My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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