Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
