did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
