i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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