Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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