ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
