Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
