My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
