On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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