How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
