I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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