I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
