sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
