dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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