I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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