people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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