I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
