so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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