did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
