i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize