Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
