HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
