What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize