Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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