Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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