yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
