just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
