Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
