I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
