Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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