is your mom at the bar?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
