She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
