Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
