I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize