I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
