sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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