i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
