and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
