he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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