summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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