just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
