thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
