erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
