My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
