Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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