Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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