That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
