you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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