No awkward lesbian experiences without me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
