I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
